That Weird Girl
by We Are Legion
Summary: She was always in his mind. Even if she wasn't in the front, she was there. But what did she mean to him? Kyon recollects about Sasaki.


**Disclaimer: Do not own anything at all related to the Suzumiya Haruhi series at all.**

**Ok, now that that's over with, this is basically a short oneshot about Kyon and Sasaki. Spoilers for novel 9, and you really wouldn't understand it if you didn't read that novel. To be honest, I wasn't really thinking when I wrote this. I finally caught up to the series a few days ago (bored so I felt like reading all the novels for the first time), and I was really interested in the interaction between Kyon and Sasaki. We all know Kyon is an unreliable narrator in that he contradicts himself and probably even lies to the reader sometimes. So I just thought that "what if he was lying about what he really thought about Sasaki." **

**Also, to be quite honest, I just can't find enough stories with Sasaki in it either. I think she's an interesting character, despite having only been shown in one chapter, so that just leaves a lot of room for interpretation. Ah well, I'll write some more of my thoughts at the end, so you can read. **

**Oh, be sure to review this. I'd really enjoy any kinds of critiques on my writing style.  
**

**

* * *

**

That Weird Girl

* * *

...I was thinking about her again.

It had been a while since I last thought about her this much. The past few months have just been too hectic to think about much else, I suppose. Getting trapped in that snowy mountain, going on that almost-date with Asahina-san, taking care of her future self for that week, and even that incident with Sakanaka's dog. It's to be expected, I guess, being part of the SOS Brigade. Sure, I had odd recollections here and there, but no actual time to just _think_ about her.

I'm talking about Sasaki, of course.

Even after that chance meeting we had when I was on my way to meet with Haruhi and the rest, or even after learning about the possibility of her having similar powers to our Brigade Commander. Maybe I did think about her group, and what they meant or could mean in regards to us in the SOS Brigade, but not really about her in particular. I don't even know why I'm just laying here, though. It isn't like anything happened today to make me so tired.

Today had started out like any ordinary day; well, as ordinary as my weird life can be. Having survived the troublesome day that yesterday was, I remember hoping that nothing would go wrong this morning. And for a while, it really did seem like things were working out for me. Although Haruhi had seemed dejected, I didn't bother much. Too tired from yesterday's meeting, I fell asleep during class, dreamt something I easily forgot, and the day went on. By coincidence, Kunikida asked about Sasaki, having seen her in some cram school examination. If the day had ended then, I would have been happy.

But then, after school, Nagato never came to the clubroom. Nobody noticed until it was late, something I'm feeling a bit guilty about, but we did go to her immediately. Although she looked as usual, I could tell that something was off. Despite Haruhi's caretaking, or maybe because of it, she was finally able to sleep by the time we all took off. What happened on my way home...I don't want to think about it right now. Now I just want to lay here on my comfortable bed and think about nothing.

Even if I close my eyes, though, _she's _there.

It's weird how everyone thinks we were in a relationship. That's how it may have looked, I guess, but it really wasn't. We happened to sit near each other in school. We happened to go to the same cram school for the same subjects. It was only by chance that we met there, and we only talked in school, or on the way to cram, or when I was waiting for a bus with her. Just close friends, and nothing more. Nothing more...

Why do I think of those words so much? I kept staring at the ceiling, searching for an answer among the plaster above me, but nothing came. Reaching my hand up to block out some of the light from my lamp, my thoughts drifted to what Sasaki had said to me two days ago.

"I never did anything that may have made anyone like me. I never showed affection to anyone either. You are probably the one who understands that the most, right Kyon?"

I sighed loudly, if only to hear my own acknowledgment of it.

"Of course I understand that the most, Sasaki."

Without thinking I had said those words, surprised to hear it myself. Why was that? What did I understand about Sasaki? We had spent a year together, as close as two people could be short of a relationship, but what exactly did I understand about her?

Glancing at my desk, I caught sight of graduation photo from junior high. Slowly, I moved to pick it up before looking over it as one would look over the results of a test. There was Kunikida standing with a few of his friends. We weren't exactly close back then, but I wouldn't say we're close now either. By chance, I saw Nakagawa laughing with his athletic buddies. Smiling, I vaguely wondered if he had already been able to see the Integrated Data Sentient Entity at this time. Finally I found myself, off to the side. And of course, there was Sasaki standing in front of me, with her comforting smile. A smile that was both formal, and informal. It drew me back to a memory in my third year of junior high.

...

...

A year before I met Haruhi as the down-to-earth guy, one could easily say that I interested in the unknown too. Aliens, espers, time travelers – all of it from manga and novels I read in my spare time. I really did wonder, and even hope that they would one day just show themselves. That something fantastic might happen in my dreary life. I remember telling Sasaki about this, only to hear her respond with her slightly muffled laugh.

"You really do believe that, Kyon?"

Well, not really, but nothing is impossible.

"Of course not, but logically, anything that is close to impossible might as well be classified as such, don't you think? Let me give you an example. For any form of life to exist, there is an extreme amount of chance involved. Let's say that there does exist another planet that can sustain life with the right atmosphere and the right elements. Out of this whole universe, it would have to be somewhere close enough to reasonably contact us, as the fastest form of travel is limited to the speed of light, which we haven't even achieved yet. Assuming this is true, we even have to hope that life on this other planet has advanced to where it has the technology capable to do something like that. Humanity is pretty lucky to even exist, if you think about it. The right amount of chemicals in our mind make us able to function so differently from a monkey or a dolphin. Anyways, life just so happens to exist on this planet and have the technological means and distance to be able to contact us. You also have to assume that they want to, or have similar enough mindsets to be able to communicate. With all of these extremely near-impossible possibilities together, we might as well just call it impossible, right?"

I guess I understand.

She smiled at me with her usual smile, one that was both courteous and intimate.

"I'm glad. It'd be a waste if you kept thinking like that."

Well, it made sense, even if it wasn't really that easy to get. You keep explaining it to me, so I'm pretty sure I'll fully get it sometime later.

...

...

It wasn't the first time we talked about my odd thoughts like that, and it wasn't the last either. Eventually, though, Sasaki really did get through to me. By graduation, I wasn't interested in anything happening in my life anymore. All those thoughts could stay in the novels I read. I guess I just forgot that it was Sasaki that did it.

Looking back at the photo, I noticed I was smiling too, but a different kind of smile. Not the one that I would share with the SOS Brigade, or even when I drank Asahina-san's tea, but something else. Of course, I immediately knew what it was.

...

It was love.

I dropped the photo as I moved back to collapse in my bed. Scratching my head, I remembered. When we first met, I was glad. We really hadn't talked much before, but talking to her then had felt so easy. There was something...different about her. After that first meeting at cram school, we began talking in junior high too. Sometimes, we ate lunch together, sometimes we just sat in class, but we always talked. What about? Anything. There didn't seem to be anything she wouldn't talk to me about, and vice versa. We simply talked about whatever pleased us.

Maybe it was because of that that I felt I could get away with it.

That dream I had in class suddenly came crashing back.

That's right...I did tell her what I felt at that point. Admitting it to her was easy, because it was just a thought that came to mind. To be honest, I just felt like saying it at that point, not even thinking about it.

"You know, I think you would be pretty attractive to most people if you didn't talk so strangely all the time. Not that it really matters to me, though."

It really was an odd thing to say, but that's really what I thought at the time. Of course, she had a good laugh about it before launching into her monologue about love, emotions, their necessity, and many other topics that partially confused me at the time. Even though I can't say I understood most of what she meant, I did know one thing from this conversation, and she knew I knew, too. As informal as it had been, I had confessed to her, told her what I felt towards her.

And just as informally as I had confessed, she rejected me.

Huh, so that's how it happened then. I never really considered it much, almost like a small note in the very back of my mind. It didn't change that we still talked, and we still felt at ease together, but I can't really say it would've been a bad thing had she answered differently. Regardless, she answered when I asked, and we acted accordingly. More and more, any thoughts of _us_ became just close friends, and I was fine with it then.

_And I'll be fine with it now..._

As a single tear rolled down my face, I felt myself drifting asleep.

* * *

**So that's that. So let me tell you why I interpreted them this way.**

**So we all know Kyon is a very unreliable person as a narrator; I noticed this a lot when it came to Sasaki. Two parts in chapter 9, he openly contradicted himself, calling her a "once close friend" to saying "I wouldn't consider her a close friend" in a flashback. Even if he says this though, he hasn't contacted her in the whole first year of high school, despite them being close enough that Sasaki, who I consider to be as strange (different kind of strange) and unapproachable as start-of-the-year Haruhi in terms of friendship, herself says she considers Kyon a close friend. In an earlier book, Kyon even admits to the reader that he thinks about her every few days. Just so many inconsistencies from Kyon himself that I think something is up.**

**Anyways, thanks for reading, and be sure to review. I'm up for any kind of review, good or bad.  
**


End file.
